Character Bios

Doggone Murderer – the characters

Daniel “Danny” Barkowitz is a spirited, resourceful dog in his mid-twenties. He is a Frisbee enthusiast and a successful music teacher. Danny moved to the city – or, a suburb just outside the city – for the excitement and to get away from his parents.

Danny’s parents are very Jewish. They are loving parents, but they are worrisome and meddling. Unknowingly, Danny has inherited some of his parents’ anxious nature. He can’t stand to make the same mistake twice. For example, when Danny was a puppy he chased a kitten up a tree, but afterward he felt so guilty he has been extra polite to cats ever since.

Luckily, Danny counters his anxious side with unwavering self-confidence. He always believes he will get the job done.

Danny is scatterbrained. He is so goal-oriented he often misses the forest for the trees. He tries to do everything methodically, but he prioritizes poorly, so his plans crumble and he frequently has to scramble to get things done.

Danny met Ginger two years ago while performing a local bar. Everyone at the bar was too drunk to pay attention to his performance – except Ginger. She was tasteful and sober and had a light in her eyes that Danny found thrilling. The rest of Danny’s performance was directed at her. Upon talking to her afterward, he realized she was not only sober and tasteful but bright and witty and fun, and he asked her out to the dog park the next day.

They hit it off instantly. Since then, Ginger has become Danny’s world, his only important social interaction. Danny doesn’t think much, but when he does, Ginger is always foremost on his mind.

The one exception is music. When Danny gets into a project, he can lose track of everything else. A few months ago, Danny was preparing for a big concert, and he completely forgot Ginger’s birthday. Ginger forgave him almost immediately, but Danny hasn’t forgiven himself. He feels he can’t forgive himself unless he makes their 2-year anniversary extremely special.

Ginger Snapps is a bright, clear-thinking dog in her mid-twenties. Ginger loves puppies and works at a veterinary hospital as a labor and delivery nurse while she finishes medical school. Ginger is always a pleasure to talk to, because she is alert and warm and interested. She would never admit that her interest is often feigned. She’s a people pleaser. Only around Danny can Ginger ditch the performance and be herself.

Ginger loves that Danny is a musician who brings happiness to the world with his guitar. Her favorite song of his is “You Make Me Wag My Tail,” one of the songs he played the night they met.

Ginger admires Danny’s ability to poke fun at the world, which her kind nature doesn’t allow. She’s too smart not to see flaws in people, but she’s too nice to say anything disparaging. Danny provides an outlet for her unspoken criticisms.

She is well aware of Danny’s flaws, and it exasperates her when Danny does something stupid. But only briefly. After that, her rationalization engines start running, and she reminds herself that Danny wouldn’t be Danny if he didn’t screw up sometimes. She forgives him quickly.

Salvatore “Nutty Sal” Acorni is the downtrodden son of Squirrelish immigrants. It’s never certain how cognizant Nutty Sal is of his surroundings – sometimes he seems with it, other times he makes you wonder if he’s been hitting the acorn juice too hard. He was married once, but his wife was even nuttier than him, and after his divorce he really let himself go. Nutty Sal often says “take it from me,” followed by some nonsensical words of wisdom, which you have to pretend to internalize to avoid offending him. Like most squirrels, he has a short fuse.

Sal has been a friend of the Squirrelish mafia his whole life, until recently, when he hit on a young thing who happened to be Don Squirreleone’s daughter. The Don gave him one chance to redeem himself by giving a nice gift at the daughter’s wedding. Searching for something beautiful but affordable, Sal found out about Feather’s inheritance, and knowing Feathers to be something of a fool, Sal immediately struck a deal with the bird.

Feathers is an intelligent but unmotivated ostrich in his late twenties. He rents a room from Danny while he finishes his bachelor’s degree in forensic science, a four-year degree which he plans to complete in his ninth year. Feathers is chill and low-key, the polar opposite of his sprawling, flustered family to whom he flies south to visit each winter. (He flies Southwest.)

Feathers and Danny get along well enough, but Feathers is often late on rent payments, which annoys Danny, though he’s too nice to kick Feathers out.  Feathers also has the annoying habit of preening himself and leaving his plumage on the couch.

Recently, Feathers inherited some expensive jewel-encrusted earrings from his great aunt Polly. She tried to leave something for everyone in her will, so Feathers got earrings even though he’s a dude and he has no ears. Feathers recently made a deal with Nutty Sal to get 1,000 acorns in return for the earrings. He didn’t tell Danny about the deal because he figured Danny would tell him it was a mistake. Feathers isn’t actually sure what he’ll do with 1,000 acorns, but at least it sounds better than a couple of useless earrings.